When I first started this site the goal was for women to see lots of different women’s body parts, helping them to realize how normal they are. I thought I would just include breasts, bottoms, bellies, legs, and full body. There was to be no sharing of genitals or anuses. I thought this was too private or too close to pornography and actually, I didn’t realize that women were insecure about these areas too! But they are! And the shocking thing is that they are having procedures done to quell these insecurities that I believe are totally unnecessary and potentially very harmful.
If you find yourself asking “Do I need cosmetic surgery?” read this first.
Body Insecurities: Root Cause
Many women are insecure about their bodies, their faces, and I’ve found out even about their genitals. And why wouldn’t they be. Very few women actually look like the narrow range of women that are constantly portrayed in the media (slim, toned, round in just the right measure, airbrushed honey skin, shiny lustrous hair, and so on). And the general message that goes along with these images is “This is how a woman should look in order to be beautiful, sexy, desirable, and of value.” There are many out there trying to change this including this site, but we have a long way to go.
Cosmetic Surgery As Mainstream
So along came cosmetic surgery with the goal to aesthetically enhance people’s looks and “fix” what is wrong with them. Cosmetic surgery is now very mainstream. It is not considered strange to have liquid filled plastic sacs inserted into breasts or buttocks. If your face is different in some way, you can have it altered so you can “look like everyone else.” You can have your labia “reduced or reshaped” if you feel insecure about that. And you can have your anus bleached if you feel insecure about that.
Did you read that last sentence?
Did you know this existed? Let me state that again, “bleach on your anus,” a very delicate and important body part. Why are people doing these things to themselves? Insecurities. (Yes, women do this and Yes it is dangerous. Chemical burns, irritation, scarring, and infections do happen.) So we’re doing this why? Oh yes, insecurities and being in the dark about how normal, acceptable, and beautiful we are just the way we are.
Women feel that they need to be “perfect” in order to be desirable, beautiful, feminine, sexy, cool, clean, and valuable. (And anything else you want to pile onto that.) The truth is that is Bullshit! You are beautiful, feminine, cool, clean, sexy, and valuable already. You just need to realize that, see it, accept it, own it and live it.
Look, I’m not a crazy anti-cosmetic surgery activist, but I do want to point out the ridiculous level to which we have gotten on cosmetic surgery. And the reason I want to point this out is that I don’t think it really solves the original problem of feeling insecure. You see by having the cosmetic procedure you have confirmed that there was something wrong with you. And it will likely require maintenance. (Implants must be replaced every 10 years and how often do you need to get your anus bleached to keep it looking spic and span?) Of course on top of all that there are real physical risks. (Cosmetic procedure can do true damage, when before you went in, you had no damage. Do you want to risk that?)
So you increase your breasts, you shrink your labia, and you bleach your anus. Now what? Have you arrived at a feeling of peace about your body? Probably not. You’re probably examining what part you want to have “fixed” next. It never ends. You may run out of funding and your cosmetic enhancement regimen may halt for a while, but your insecurity is still there. The only way you’ll feel really secure is to walk around the world inside of a big body length brown bag. Who wants that?
So what should we do?
True Solution to Body Insecurity
Acceptance. True surrender and acceptance of your body just the way it is. This is the only way to “overcome” your insecurities. Seeing the true variety of women is one way to open your eyes to how very normal you are. Being different IS normal. Being the same as some modern Venus de Milo statue is not normal. That’s fine if you look like the media’s version of normal. But it’s also fine if you don’t.
Body parts can be quite funny and awkward looking. Breasts hang and swing and change shape, and genitals are just weird looking. Butts can be big, small, round, flat, and dimpled. Getting your parts altered is not going to make them less weird or funny and it’s not going to make you feel more secure about them.
This is why I have decided to allow genitals, anuses, and any body part to be shown in addition to breasts, bellies, bottoms, legs and full body. Why should we censor any of it? Are genitals too much more sexual than breasts? Who cares? The bottom line is there are women out there who have been sold on the idea that they may have genitals or anuses that need to be “fixed” or brought into line with the mainstream. This is such a load of garbage. I’d like to save them from unnecessary and potentially dangerous elective surgery.
So now for those women, they can come here and see women’s genitals and anuses and see that theirs is just as varied, strange, but still wonderful as everyone else.
Men have also been mis-educated about what a woman’s body looks like. Images in the media and on porn sites are not representative of how much variety there really is and how beautiful all that variety is. This hurts them in that they may have unrealistic expectations that may damage their relationships. But men can be made aware of reality too so I hope they tune in to this site as well.
If you have a man who has suggested or is requiring you to have cosmetic procedures, think long and hard about this. Remember that you are already perfect. If he wants something else maybe he is not the one for you. You can give him a chance and tell him that you like yourself they way you are. But in the end, it may be best for your happiness to find a man who loves you just the way you are. There are so many fish in the sea and there are many who will love you. It helps to love yourself first. Trust me you can and will find it.
So how do you become secure about your body? I think it is a process. I don’t think it is ever truly finished. But I know that you can get yourself to a place where you accept your body and on most days feel good about yourself.
Some Suggestions to Feel Body Secure
- Start small. Fake it til you make it. Use a simple mantra that works for you and repeat it in your mind frequently and whenever you find yourself being self-critical. Try something like, “I am perfect just the way I am. I am beautiful on the outside because I am beautiful on the inside. I choose to love my body for all the amazing things it can do and the wonderful physical experiences it gives me.”
- Journal your feelings about your body.
- Think of how amazingly your body serves you every day! Walking, seeing, hearing, feeling, eating, music, dance, reading. There’s no end to it’s goodness.
- Remember that Different = Unique and Unique is Good! It’s what makes you cool!
- Stop thinking about your body so much. Anytime you think about your body, recognize that who you are is so much more defined by aspects other than your body such as:
- Your confidence.
- Your actions. Are you kind, generous, and loving? These are beauty in action.
- Your life’s work. All the ways that you make a difference in other people’s lives is true beauty enhancement.
- Your intelligence.
- Sexy is so much more than just about your body. It’s how you carry yourself. It’s your confidence. How do you get confidence? By giving yourself credit for all the good in you and not just in your body. (And please stop right there if you’re saying “there’s nothing good about me” because that’s not true. Ask a friend if you can’t come up with anything.)
- Value as a woman is not defined by your level of sexiness!! There it has been said. Now know it and move on with more important things in life! And smile! Smiling makes EVERYONE attractive!
- Sex is a small part of life. Don’t give it bigger importance than it deserves. Keep it in perspective and don’t put your health at risk for some sexual fantasy ideal that doesn’t exist in reality (think “perfect” movie sex scenes. Real sex is messy, funny, awkward, and occasionally really good at moments. That’s normal sex. Find the humor in it and you’ll really start to enjoy it!)
- Eat for health, exercise for fitness. Don’t do these things for the goal of “skinny” or “perfect.” You’re already perfect, but eating or exercising for “skinny” may not be the best for your health.
Let me know what other thoughts you have on this in the comments below.
I hope that through reading the many stories and viewing the many images of women on this site will help you to see how many shapes and sizes we all come in. And I hope that allows you to accept yourself just the way you are today. You may have fitness goals. That’s great. Exercising for fitness and health is important to a high quality life. You’ll have more mobility and stamina for the activities that you enjoy and you’ll be more likely to live a longer, higher quality life.
I would love to hear your feedback on this topic! What do you have to say about it?
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